


FMA 5 Sentence Fics

by Batsutousai



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Sentence Fiction, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Naked Alex Armstrong, Sexual Content, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 17:45:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13641306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/pseuds/Batsutousai
Summary: For our Wintertime Chat, some FMA friends and I did five-sentence fics. Here are my fills, with the prompts.





	1. Roy, Ed, and a jar of Nutella

"That," Roy informed Ed when he hurried back into the room, "is NOT lube."

"You don't want flavoured lube?"

"Edward."

Ed sighed, then obediently set the Nutella aside and revealed the Crisco he'd actually gone for. "Spoilsport."


	2. Havoc has quit smoking and needs something else to occupy his mouth

As much as Havoc's smoking habit had annoyed everyone in the office, Riza was starting to wish he'd never given it up, because the chewed office supplies were getting out of hand. She'd taken to keeping a stash of new, unchewed pens with her, but the day Havoc got to those, was the day she turned to him, smiled, and cocked her gun. "Touch my pens again, Second Lieutenant, and you'll be chewing on this, next."

He didn't touch her pens again.


	3. Riza borrows Winry's wrench

At some point, early on, it was agreed that alchemy and weapons had no place during group date night, mostly because CERTAIN MEMBERS of their group would use them to win dumb arguments. (*cough*Ed*cough*) Somehow, while Winry had been banned from bringing any wrenches, no one had thought to ban RIZA from bringing one of her girlfriend's favourite weapons. Which would be remedied as soon as Roy got out of hospital. Or whenever Ed stopped laughing at his boyfriend's pain.


	4. Armstrong finds himself alone with Maes' camera and gets a bright idea

Alex had tried posing for Lieutenant Hughes a few times, but the man always seemed to get distracted from taking his picture. So, when he happened to find the camera laying about, forgotten, he decided it was time to remedy that, to ensure his superior had photos of him for his collection. So he grabbed an unsuspecting private and made him take photos in as many poses and states of undress as possible. Just to be certain Hughes had all the best sides of him.


	5. Breda, Falman, and Fuery walk into a bar.... a gay bar

It started out as needing a place to plan Jean's birthday party, where they were CERTAIN he wouldn't turn up. They tried a dozen bars and eateries across the city, but Jean always seemed to hunt them down, somehow. (Good bet was Mustang was the culprit.)

Until they found the only gay bar in town, which turned out to be the one place Jean refused to go. (Turned out, he'd only refused to go when he knew they were there, they all eventually found out.)


	6. Ed is alone in Roy's office and wants to leave an impression

It was a rare chance that Ed found Mustang and his team absent when he visited, even rarer that Al wasn't with him, and Ed couldn't bear to let such an opportunity slide. Especially since Mustang had left his gloved out on his desk, like he was BEGGING for someone to steal them. Or, more likely, as though he was begging Ed to use them to masturbate in his chair again. "Kinky bastard," Ed murmured with absolutely ZERO fondness, even as he dropped trou and settled into the plush chair; it wouldn't do to disappoint, after all.


	7. Sheska is in the bookstore of her dreams... without her glasses

Sheska had been dreaming of making it to the massive new bookshop for WEEKS, but she'd been so busy with work and her mum, she hadn't got the chance to make it. Of course, the first day she has free, is also the day she knocks over her glasses in her sleep and steps on them when she wakes up. BUT STILL; she's determined and she goes and she damn-well enjoys herself, enjoys the smell and the feel of the paper and the way her fingers slip over the spines of the covers as she walks down the aisles, trailing her fingers along the shelves. She picks out a massive stack of books she can't see well enough to know what they are, but she's not leaving empty-handed. (And it's not like their 'exchanges not returns' policy is going to be a problem for her.)


	8. Greed goes to the dentist

"No," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Roy sighed and rubbed at his eyes, clearly tired of suffering the same argument over and over and over again.

Ed just shouldered Roy out of the way and glared at Greed. "You can sit in the chair, or I will PUT YOU THERE and LEAVE YOU until tomorrow."

It was a testament to how seriously he took that threat, that Greed climbed meekly into the dentist's chair and didn't offer another word of complaint.


	9. Fullmetal vs. Flame, the sequel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I said before the 5-sent fics that I'd work a dumpster fire into one of them. Kudos to me. XD)

Everyone know how it had started: Ed setting up a dumpster with petrol and more than enough burnables to put a bonfire to shame, then taunting Roy to use his alchemy a little too close, while a superior officer was close enough to feel the mighty backdraft of heat. But only Ed and Roy knew how it ended: With angry kisses against the wall of a dirty alley, rutting hard and fast because every moment of their lives in each others' orbits couldn't have led to anything less than an explosion of cum in the shadows. And if they decided making up under the covers of Roy's bed was the best part of their continued picking at each others' weaknesses in public? Well, that was between them and the sheets.


	10. Ed gets drunk with Alfons Heiderich and talks about what, or who, he misses most from his world

It wasn't the first time Alfons had seen Ed drunk, and he was used to Ed's quiet sadness, but he'd never seen him quite so upset before, so...HOLLOW. He dragged him home before he could start crying, because he half expected that to be the next step.

"It's my brother's birthday," Ed eventually said, after Alfons had deposited him on his bed and was turning to leave, "and I don't even know if he's still alive."

Alfons swallowed down a wave of pity – he know from long experience that Ed wouldn't thank him for such – and said, "I'm sure he's alive, celebrating and missing you, same as you're missing him." And then he left the room as quick as he could, and tried to convince himself he hadn't heard Ed start to cry.


	11. Roy gets drunk with Jean Havoc and talks what he misses most about Maes

It was even odds how they'd ended up at the same pub – it certainly hadn't been planned – but they'd ended up gravitating towards each other as their empty glasses got more numerous, until they were pressed shoulder-to-shoulder at the bar, and Jean had finished mumbling the grief of his most recent failure of a dating attempt. "What about you, Chief?" he asked, mostly to keep himself from giving his boss any more weapons against him.

"Hughes," he said, sounding tired and lonely in a way Jean couldn't remember ever having heard. "Found one of his stupid photos, always hiding them around the flat when he'd visit, thought I'd found them all, but–" he laughed, low and hollow "–missed one, missed him, always miss him."

Jean couldn't think of anything to say to that, but he was just drunk enough to think that hugging his superior officer was a good life choice; he could regret it in the morning.


	12. What happens at HQ stays at HQ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two for this one, because my brain gave me a nsfw option & and sfw option, so I wrote them both.

The monthy orgies in the officer mess were probably the worst-kept secret in the whole building, though no one was dumb enough to share them with a civilian. No one was quite certain how it had got started, but the two most popular reasons were sex pollen, and someone deciding to get a little to BDSM over lunch, and the rest of the command staff being too hot under the collar to stay out of it. The one thing every soldier agreed on? Getting permission to attend the orgy was absolutely an honour, even if not a one of them could sit properly for the next couple days.

OR

Movie night was somehow both the most popular and the most dreaded night of the week. The former, of course, because it was free popcorn and a chance to relax; the latter because, depending on who picked the film, it could be torture, and rule was, no one could leave until the film was over. The Armstrong family films were probably everyone's least favourite, and yet, somehow, they ended up being picked at least once a month, usually as a form of petty punishment. Not that anyone would ever admit to having seen Alex Armstrong's little baby butt; after all, what happens at East HQ, STAYS at East HQ.


	13. If Maes' camera could speak

If Maes' camera could speak, it would probably have quite the number of complaints, like how often it saw the same subjects, or how its owner needed to be less obsessed with getting the 'perfect shot'. It would also have some beautifully epic blackmail on...pretty much everyone, but mostly on its owner and his wife and his best friend, who spent way too much time naked in each others' beds.

(It also knew a little too much about a certain muscular man's...anatomy, though for much different reasons.)

Really, it was for the best that the camera couldn't share all it knew.


	14. Sig teaches Armstrong all about meat

Honestly, when Alex had agreed to Sig's lessons about meat, he'd been expecting something involving dead cows and cleavers. What he actually got, was a hands-on lesson about how to properly handle and beat his own meat, followed by a thorough tenderizing of his arse as Sig pounded it until he felt rather well done. Not that he regretted the change in curriculum; he doubted anyone could have missed that he was hot for butcher after the first ripped shirt.


End file.
